hey!!!hey!!!hey!!!im back!!!..

do i have a problem with the world or the world have a problem with me??everything seems to be falling out of place..i just couldnt help it but breakdown..i gotta do something u noe..i dont care about anything else u noe...not even how i look when i go out..i dont bother to dress up anymore..i dont care what guys feels about me...i just feel that the world is collapsing on me..I CANT BREATHE!!!i find that when this kind of problem accures i keep running back to bro..dont ask me why..he just keeps me going on my own two feet..u get what i mean??..i just feel that my body is DYING!!!..those who are close to me,will noe my fake tears and my real tears..i dono who are my real friends anymore..i dono who to trust anymore..i dont even trust my own family..except for marina and khairul who have never betray me..i am sooo not looking forward to valentine day..the best valentine day i had was while i was still working at delifrance..that was also the day i told bro that i have been waiting for him since sec 3...we plan to spend valentine day together..coz i noe that he didnt want me to be alone..i remember how imran treat me..hell yeah! and he told me that if i ever felt lonely,i can count on him..and he really proves it to me..and i really brokedown..thats sincerity....u can tell deep in his eyes hes not pretending..i just feel tired..my body is breaking down..but i need to keep going..yes..i still want THAT in life..i wrote in this small piece of paper what i WANt..and it is still with me all this years..and once i achieve it!!!..damn!!!...im going far far away..and starting a new life..i thought that i was reaching near my goals but i realise that im getting further..i am happy with feeraz..the best boyfriend ive ever had in my life..but he would have been the world's greatest boyfriend if something wasnt missing..i seriously dono how to explain it..maybe one day he'll show it to me..i hope..nadzhirah,if ur reading this..sometime i wish i was u..have never been in a relationship before and have never gotten hurt..and achieve what u want in life!!..man,its my turn...come on lya!!!..i noe u can do it..in this journey..i noe no one can help me..it all depends on me..there is sooo much i have been hiding..friends..relationship..family..life..happiness..sorrow..what my true feelings are??..yes..i am full of pretence..how i feel about someone..when i say u look great..when i tell u ur beautiful..even what i write here..is it real?? am i real??..there is alot hiding behind this SMILE...

I JUST LOVE FEERAZ SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

hmm..im beginning to like working here..haha!at first when i saw shukur i wanted to slap his face!..but then,he looooves disturbing me!..haha..den,parmesh came..and he is soo fun to work with..we have to ask for member and this lady almost pick a fight with me for it..and parmesh came to my rescue..he did not put the point but put the balance...hahahahaha!..that lady walk away happy thinking that she already collected her points..all the people im working with are boys..and all happen to be abang2..too bad rizan couldnt make it today..crew rally im going with parmesh and shukur..

i noe i am tired..tired..and extremely tired..work is hard man..haes..ive never work my ass off before..sooo..im no longer a very new person at work..and thats GREAT!..haes..but the thing is i only noe the morning people and when the nite people happen to come in the morning..im like..who the hell are they??..and they are like who the hell is she??..haha!..anyway,i really miss feeraz..what he doesnt noe is that..sometime at nite..i like to listen to music in the dark and think of him..and when i miss him..i smell teddy..and before u noe it..tears always roll down my cheeks..i reallymiss him man..he really bring joy in my life..